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Tips for parents
It's been called the most important job on earth: Being a good parent. Along with all the joys of parenting come challenges. Odessa Brown Children's Clinic understands that it isn't always easy, and we're here to help. |
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How to handle disobedience
 They may whine about having to clean up their room or go to bed at 9 p.m., but children raised with reasonable expectations and consistent rules will be happier and better behaved in the long run.
Some disobedience is normal. As children get older and more independent, they naturally want to make more of their own choices.
But a child who is frequently disobedient, or follows rules less than half of the time, may have found that the behavior is an effective way of getting what he wants.
Parents may unintentionally reward disobedience by giving their children extra attention in the form of nagging, negotiation and arguing.
The Odessa Brown Children's Clinic offers the following tips to help parents avoid such traps and set the limits their preschool children need:
- Make sure your instructions are clear, direct and necessary, and be prepared to back them up. Common mistakes parents make include: issuing too many instructions or too few; expecting their child to do something beyond their ability; giving instructions at the wrong time, such as during a child's favorite television show; sending mixed messages, such as laughing while telling a child to do something; and phrasing instructions as questions (Do you want to pick up your toys now?).
- Let your child exercise her independence by giving her options when appropriate - "Which shirt do you want to wear? The red or the green?" - but be clear on the difference between choices and instructions. Brushing teeth before bed isn't a choice, for example.
- Give your child time to cooperate. Whenever possible, let your child finish what he's doing or wait for a break in the activity before telling him to do something else. Then give him a little time - about five seconds is enough - to start doing what you asked.
- If the behavior is harmful or dangerous, act immediately.
- Get your child's attention. Stop what you're doing, get within arm's length of your child, bend down to her eye level and use her name.
- Praise your child for doing what you asked.
- If your child doesn't follow your instruction, follow up with a logical consequence. Shut off the television, or remove a toy or object that's causing problems. Usually five to 10 minutes of being without is long enough for your child to get the message.
- While carrying out the consequence, ignore any whining or complaining.
- Return your child to the activity after five or 10 minutes to give her a chance to change her behavior. If the problem continues, repeat the consequence for a longer period of time. "Okay, television is off for the rest of the day."
- Use quiet time or a time-out if you can't use a logical consequence. Have the child sit in a chair or spend several minutes alone in a safe and uninteresting room. After the quiet time or time-out, again tell your child what you want him to do. Praise the child for cooperation or repeat the time-out if necessary.
- Don't argue or negotiate with a child who is refusing to do as he is told. This may reinforce the behavior by giving him the attention he wants.
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